


A Tiny Bit of Hope

by TheEverYearning



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Fix-It, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Romance, The Captain is Gay (Ghosts TV 2019), i just want my boy to be happy, what if
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-22 08:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30035802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEverYearning/pseuds/TheEverYearning
Summary: Any illusion of equanimity was shattered the moment the Captain escaped into his office, shut the door and collapsed with his back towards the cold wood, with an embarrassing thud which he was certain Havers had heard. As the cause was inevitably lost, he thumped his head against the door for good measure. Perhaps another sixteen-point speech was in order:‘On the Inappropriacy of Smiling like That at One’s Captain.’An exploration of the Captain's relationship with Havers during the war.
Relationships: The Captain/Lieutenant Havers (Ghosts TV 2019)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 32





	1. An offer extended

The Captain strode towards his office at 0800 hours, just as he did every day. Similarly, Lieutenant Havers was sat at his desk outside the Captain’s office, papers set into piles of ‘for the Captain’ and ‘unimportant busywork that the government really ought to have realised was insignificant to the mission at Button House’. A cooling cup of coffee perched precariously at the edge of a stack. As it was every morning, Havers looked up at the Captain as he passed and offered a small, unfathomable smile which really did terrible things to the Captain’s constitution. 

The Captain made the mistake of meeting Havers’ gaze, and subsequently felt a little like he had just run his morning lap of the grounds (this morning’s time: 2 minutes 43 – Not Bad). Of course, the Captain had completed his run shortly after 0700 hours this morning (at 0702:43, to be precise) so there was no reason for his heart to pound so heavily, nor for his breath to feel so short. He wondered briefly if he was coming down with a cold. The Lieutenant’s eyes held him captive, crinkling at the edges in a manner quite improper for that hour of the morning.

Havers had the sort of kind, open face which one was unaccustomed to seeing in the military. His strong forehead was tempered by warm brown eyes, which seemed to invite the looker in and say, ‘sit a while, and would you like a cup of tea?’ His cheeks were slim without being hollow and had the smoothness of a fresh shave. His chin concluded in a most pleasing manner, with a cleft which lent a certain seriousness to his gentle face. An aquiline nose sat above a terribly charming pair of slim lips, which seemed always to be set in an expression of polite cheer. Which was all, of course, to say that Havers was a very competent Lieutenant and a credit to the military, and he had very fine penmanship. Or something like that.

The Captain cleared his throat and considered walking into his office, shutting the door and hiding from those smiles for the rest of the day. This, would be rude, however, and un-captainly, so he settled for a morning admonishment, as a greeting would certainly be a Step Too Far.

“Bally hell, Lieutenant, either drink that coffee or pour it down the sink,” exclaimed the Captain, “I cannot stand the stench of that foul brew.” 

Lieutenant Havers smiled again, like the Captain had made an inside joke. “Good morning, sir.” He picked up his mug contemplatively. “It is rather like drinking petrol, sir, but I’m afraid this is the only thing keeping me awake these days. Besides, the tea the lads drink is almost more offensive, what with the cheap stuff they supply.” He swirled the tar like substance in the mug with distaste, and glared at it, as if that might make it taste sweeter. “Anyhow, it’s what’s available so, you know. Mustn’t grumble and all that.” He looked up once more with a stiff upper lip and laughing eyes. 

What the Lieutenant’s motivation was for maintaining such unbreaking eye contact as he brought the mug to his lips and downed the lukewarm swill, was unfathomable to the Captain and reignited that awful fluttering in his chest. The Captain violently cleared his throat and said far louder than was necessary, “Ah yes then, well then. Good. Carry on.” He gave a sharp nod and strode with utter composure into his office.

Any illusion of equanimity was shattered the moment the Captain escaped into his office, shut the door and collapsed with his back towards the cold wood with an embarrassing thud which he was certain Havers had heard. As the cause was inevitably lost, he thumped his head against the door for good measure. Perhaps another sixteen-point speech was in order: _‘On the Inappropriacy of Smiling like That at One’s Captain.’ _Then again, perhaps some things were better kept to oneself and not broadcast to an entire team of subordinates. Better to discuss this alone with Havers. Just the two of them one evening in the Captain’s office and – absolutely not. Thoughts of that variety were distinctly unhelpful, and highly unfitting for a Captain, or any man for that matter.__

__The Captain glared at the poster by the door directing him to ‘Keep it under your hat’. As if he needed any reminder that his preferences, if exposed, would ruin any life that he had built for himself. Still, there wasn’t any harm in collecting these small moments in his memory. The Captain knew he was entitled to very little in life and in love, but perhaps the memory of a smile or an imaginary lingering glance could ease the ache in his heart somewhat. It was a fool’s errand to ignore these feelings – better to pack them away into a tightly sealed chest and shoved far back into the recesses of his mind._ _

__From the moment he had received his appointment and met his second-in-command, the Captain had resigned himself to yearning from a polite distance. Many years of practice had taught him that a short glance at every meeting was sufficient enough to cement a portrait of an attractive young man in his mind. Practice had shown how much eye contact was acceptable before another man became uncomfortable and ceased to joke with him in the mess hall at mealtimes. It would be possible, if not easy, to fall into habit and hold the Lieutenant at an arm’s length, to hide behind procedure and rank._ _

__It would be possible, that is, if it weren’t for the Lieutenant’s habit of holding his gaze, returning his glances and seeking out conversation in the mess hall, in the garden, the common room and outside his office and anywhere else they happened to stumble upon each other. It would be possible if the blasted man stopped giving him little reasons to hope._ _

__By this point, the Captain had slid into a rather uncomfortable sitting position against the door. He got up with a groan only slightly louder than the creaking and cracking of his knees. It was a small blessing to have been appointed to a position which really required very little physical action on his part, although the cold of the country did nothing for his dodgy joints. Upon getting up, he spied his half-empty tin of Twinings Earl Grey which his mother had sent him. Lord knows where she’d found the stuff, and he’d been rationing it with great care. It sat where he had left it, tucked behind the desk lamp near the bookshelf by the window. It had sat there since he had received it almost eight months ago and was one of his most treasured possessions._ _

__The Captain dusted off his trousers and went to sit at his desk. The papers taunted him in their neat piles of ‘overdue’ and ‘terribly overdue’. He had not made two steps when he heard the unmistakeable sound of Havers’ chair scraping the floorboards, and his footsteps departing down the hallway. The Captain’s gaze returned to the tin of tea. What was more precious, tea or hope?_ _

__In a rare moment of rash courage, the Captain had crossed the room, collected the little tin, opened the door and placed the tin upon his Lieutenant’s desk. Before he could lose his mettle, he returned to his office, heart thumping.  
The tin was a small gesture, insignificant and easily explained away as an action to boost morale. Given from the Captain to his Lieutenant, however, it was a little more than a stolen glance, slightly bolder than some lingering eye contact over cold instant coffee. It was an offer which the Captain had previously thought himself too cowardly, too cautious to ever extend. _ _

__As anxiety knotted in his stomach and furrowed his brow, the Captain though of Havers’ smiles and conversation, and allowed himself just a tiny bit of hope._ _


	2. The man at the desk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little insight into Havers himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short interlude to explore a little of what Havers might think and feel about the Captain. As always, corrections and criticism are highly welcomed! (truly, your comments on the last chapter made my week!)

The nature of the mission at Button House was such that very few secretaries were employed there (indeed, there was only Susan in the mailroom), so it fell to the men to take on such jobs. So it was that Lieutenant Havers found himself occupied at a desk outside the Captain’s office handling a great deal more paperwork than he had anticipated upon joining the Army. It was the drudgery of sorting paper after paper which often led him to consider whether he ought to apply for active service so he could have a pop at Fritz. It would undoubtedly be an improvement on his station as a glorified secretary, although the prospect of actually being shot at made his hands tremble and his palms somewhat sweaty.

There were, of course, some aspects to the job which he enjoyed. The premise of Operation William was worthwhile and quite fascinating really, if only the Germans would stop outsmarting their tech as fast as they could invent it. And the slower pace of country life was greatly preferable to the bustle and smog of London. There was also the small matter that the Germans had taken to bombing the capital city, which seemed quite an unpleasant prospect when contrasted with the relative safety of the country.

Havers’ position outside the Captain’s office was rather opportune, really, as the Lieutenant found himself enjoying his Captain’s company best of all the other lads. Havers admired the Captain’s organisation, and ability to rally the troops in a terribly earnest, slightly awkward but ultimately very effective way. He admired the Captain’s devotion to his country, how he was eager to serve his King in whatever way he could and ensured that his men were aware of the importance of their work, despite being away from the front lines.

Havers position outside the Captain’s office was enormously inconvenient, however, as it made it all too easy to arrive just a little early and peer out of the second-floor window and catch a glimpse of the captain finishing his run, ruffled and rosy cheeked. It was easier still to admire the captain’s tall figure as he entered his office. And of course, this familiarity with the captain’s form made it all the simpler to admire the smaller details of his presence. The way the Captain’s moustache bristled during a particularly passionate speech, the way his lips curled around a pipe or a cup of tea, the genuine kindness with which he treated all of his subordinates, disguised with brisk commands and a stern manner. 

It was particularly inconvenient when the Captain’s awkward smiles left the Lieutenant with a swooping stomach and jitters which inevitably caused him to lose his place in the paperwork. It was less inconvenient when the Captain stayed a while longer to chat after cricket practice, lingered by his desk, or even left a box of precious tea on his desk. Yes, that was less inconvenient and instead something distinctly more terrifying, but perhaps more pleasant too.

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a little experimental, as I've not written fic in a long time. I'm happy to leave it as it is, or to continue it, if by some miracle somebody requests more. Please give feedback! Also, please forgive me if my formatting's a little off, and let me know so that I can fix it.


End file.
